Moving Forward

There are sayings associated with death and grief that bother me. Some bother me a lot; others make me wonder, “Why in the world would someone say that?” I don’t think for a minute that people say insensitive things to hurt the bereaved. I think they are trying to offer comfort or trying to fill the silence they find so awkward. Maybe it’s just word choices or maybe even my own faulty interpretation, but I don’t like it when the bereaved are told it is time to “move on.” “You need to think about moving on.” “It’s time you started to move on.” Or worse, “You seem to be doing better. I am so glad you have decided to move on.”

Are you kidding me? I will never move on. Moving on implies that you are leaving a bad situation behind and are heading off to greener pastures. In my journey, I am moving forward. I am not leaving anything behind – including Jordan. My son is vital to my existence. He has a permanent place in my heart. A place only he can fill... my cherished memories are stored there – safe and loved.

Not too long ago I was speaking with a group of women about my season of grief and the lessons we gain from our suffering. As I was leaving, an older woman caught up with me. She wanted to let me know that she had buried her adult son 10 years ago. She reached out knowing I would understand her grief – we were united by tragedies neither one of us wanted. She told me she is doing better, but I could still hear the hurt in her voice – the pain I know all too well. We talked for quite a while and I could tell she was thankful for the opportunity to talk about her son so freely. I was grateful to be able to listen as she shared memories of her child.

My grief journey is not always in motion. I still get stalled in the deep grief valleys. Sometimes I am only able to take small baby steps with uncertain balance. Some days, forward motion is a struggle that seems insurmountable, yet there are times when I feel I have made good progress – when I feel God‘s great mercy touch my heart and I am able to comfort others.

As I move forward and grow in this new version of me, I know that Jordan will always be part of who I am. He will always hold his rightful place in my heart and I too am thankful when someone takes the time to listen to my heart share it’s treasures.