Forever 24

On Saturday, May 26, my son, Jordan, would be 27 years old. Instead he is forever 24 and we will be observing another birthday without him – the third since his death in February of 2016.

I sat down at my desk yesterday afternoon to write my blog and was so thankful I had done my chores in the morning as it turned out to be a lost afternoon. I just couldn’t get the words to come in an order that made sense. I wanted to say something profound about grief and birthdays, but instead I ended up daydreaming the afternoon away.

I remembered other birthdays... Batman-themed events, a Star Wars movie adventure, a slumber party with pizza, cake and ice cream and, of course, a big party when he turned 21, complete with margaritas and a full taco bar. I remembered a little boy, a teenager and a young man who never asked for much and who was always so grateful for the gifts he received.

May 26, 1991 will always be one of the best days of my life! I celebrated that wonderful day for 24 years with the gusto it deserved! The date is forever imprinted on my heart, but how do I honor such a special day with a heart that is weighted with grief? As Jordan’s birthday approached just three months after his death, I was advised by my GriefShare facilitator to celebrate my son’s life. It was too soon for me and much too painful. I stumbled through that first birthday. We gathered together as a family, but I don’t remember much.

But as the second birthday without Jordan approached, I took the facilitator’s words to heart. We again gathered as a family and decided to see a movie at the theater... one of Jordan’s favorite things to do. Jordan was an avid movie fan and many of his weekends were spent at a local theater. It was comforting spending that birthday doing something he would have enjoyed.

On Saturday we will gather together to honor Jordan’s birthday. With a heart still so heavy with grief from the loss, I will celebrate the life.

Jordan, I miss you so much. Happy birthday, sweetheart!