A Sweet Memory

I have always saved my treasures. I am not talking about items with big ticket price tags... I am talking about those truly priceless possessions that are treasures of the heart. Treasures like my son’s plaster of Paris handprint given to me on Christmas morning when he was six years old. He was so excited when I unwrapped his special gift in 1997. This little treasure had been wrapped in tissue paper with several layers of protective bubble wrap and packed away for safety many years ago. I recently unwrapped it again while sorting through boxes from my cross-country move. I hate to admit it, but I had forgotten that I had such a priceless treasure that I was saving. I cried as I touched the outline of Jordan’s six-year-old hand. I placed my hand over the mold of his hand and was flooded with memories of times that I held that sweet little hand. I remembered how in awe I was of that perfectly formed hand on the day of his birth in May of 1991... I wrote about it in his baby book all those years ago. I remembered his 24-year old hand that I held just two days before his unexpected death in February of 2016. I always have the best of intentions when I pack my treasures away. I am keeping them safe and preserving them for a later time. I had always planned on passing these things onto my children. In fact, for a couple of years before his death, Jordan and I repeatedly talked about getting together with his sister and sorting through all the treasures that I had so carefully packed away. I ask myself now, what difference would it have made if that mold was accidentally broken during those years? I think now of all the years I missed out on seeing that special treasure and it feels like another loss. I hung the handprint on the wall by my desk. I can now see it every day. The death of your child changes your perspective on almost everything. In many ways it makes you wiser and helps you see things more clearly. I have displayed more of my treasures. I don’t fear loss or breakage or theft. Despite the new house being much larger than I am used to, I have less wall space to hang pictures due to all the windows. I kept out some pictures and I plan to rotate them. I am displaying what I can, but there are still priceless possessions safely packed away... school pictures of Jordan and his sister, Madison, their artwork and pictures they drew for me. I have school awards and graduation announcements, birthday cards and report cards. I just can’t get rid of them, but I am keenly aware that someday it will be up to Madison to sort through my treasures and to dispose of things. The importance of many of these treasures will die with me. I have no grandchildren from Jordan who would be thrilled to have his things. I am creating a burden for my daughter and hope she will understand. Jordan’s death has taught me the importance of enjoying those priceless possessions. I recently had a quilt made from Jordan’s t-shirts and had it shipped to my daughter. The sweet text and picture I received from my daughter brought tears to my eyes. I could tell it meant so much to her. It turned out so well... I had just enough t-shirts to have a nice-sized quilt made. They are all t-shirts Madison and I remember him wearing. We know the story behind the shirt and we were with him on many of the adventures when the shirts were purchased. My advice to her is to use the quilt. Wrap up in it on cold winter evenings and enjoy. Don’t pack it away. The memories associated with that quilt stop with us. It will never have a greater importance than it does now. My hope is that the quilt itself will be a sweet memory for her when it is worn out.